This post expresses extremely foul language but it is the truth of where I am tonight – please do not read if it will offend you…
I’m so angry tonight! It started off earlier today as shock and disbelief and as I rolled through the stages, once again, I have ended up here. I am going to express some hateful thoughts and use some extremely foul language, so if you are not up to reading it, you might want to close out here. If you are a Christian brother or sister, let me just stop you now from contacting me about this post and my need for grace and forgiveness or commenting on my foul language and attitude. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! God knows where I am and where I am coming from and this is between God and myself. I KNOW what the Bible says and I will get there in my own time…but not tonight!
This is my open letter to the PUKE that was a part of my life for four years. I use the word Puke because I cannot find anything more fitting in the English language to describe the utter disgust, disdain and hatred I have for this loathsome, lying, piece of shit.
Dear PUKE,
I wasted 4 years of my life with you! I gave you everything I had. I made life so easy and good for you. You were treated like a king. I look back and I see now the lies and manipulation. I see the disgusting, evil piece of slime you were then and you still are today. I beat myself up for not seeing it sooner and for not kicking your ass out of MY house the minute I sensed something was off. I knew that day would come and I would kick you out eventually. I knew it long before you did. Yes, I PLANNED it and I KNEW once I did, we would NEVER be back together. The damage you created was beyond repair and I KNEW you were NOT the man I wanted in my life.
I was your safe place. Your key to an easy life. I told you from the beginning that once I was done, I WAS DONE. You, for some reason, didn’t and still don’t believe that. Well the jokes on you fuckwad!
Do you not realize that I still speak to the people you speak to daily and hear the disgusting and hurtful things you say about me? Do you not realize these are MY friends and when you say such things about me to them, you’re only making yourself look like the biggest fucktard on the planet? Then you turn around to my other friends and tell them how bad you messed up and would marry me right now if I would have you. Are you fucking kidding me? You ask them for help in getting me to call you? SERIOUSLY??
Who the fuck do you think you are? What in the 4 years of being together did I ever do, or for that matter, in the 35 that I knew you, would make you think that I am so beyond stupid and pitiful, that I would want or need a piece of shit like you in my life? What makes you think I cannot have another man in my life? If that was the case, I would have stayed in any number of the other fucked-up relationships I was in. You are no better than any of them and I can’t fathom how you think you are! I told you OFTEN and with conviction that I did NOT NEED A MAN! I have survived without you for 48 years and I will continue to survive without you! You bring NOTHING to a relationship because YOU ARE NOTHING! Nothing but a zit on the ass of life!
You call me disgusting and hurtful names, you attack my character, you threatened my life and now you want my help? What the fuck is wrong with you? You created a FB account to chat with sluts and join porn dating sites two years into our relationship and you think I would ever have anything to do with you again? Again, what the fuck is wrong with you? What fucking delusional world are you living in? You need help but you are too fucking delusional and narcissistic to do anything about it. For a while I had pity on you because I KNOW you are sick, but no longer. You fucking created this mess you are in and you alone are responsible for cleaning it up. You’re a fucking alcoholic who cares about no one but himself and what he can gain by using others and you disgust me!
DO NOT CALL MY FRIENDS under the guise that you want to make amends to me. You’re a FUCKING LIAR! If you want to make amends to me, then fucking fall off the face of the earth! Why must I remind you that there is a RESTRAINING ORDER in place? You have violated it 3 times, that I am aware of, in just a month and yes, I HAVE REPORTED ALL 3! If you want to play this game, BRING IT! I will fuck your world up!
I never played the poor helpless woman who was too stupid to know how to function so I don’t understand where you get the idea that I need you and I can’t live without you in your fucking pitiful brain. You have no integrity! You have no morals! You have no common sense! You have no concern for anyone but yourself! Why the fuck would I, or anyone for that matter, want a man like you? You’re a worthless, disgusting piece of shit and you have no right to be in anyone’s life! I cannot express the loathing I feel for you and I will hold on to it forever. Even my ex-husband (addict) had enough brains to leave me alone once we were done. You, however, are so fucking stupid and delusional, you think you are a god, a prize, and I should swoon at the chance to be with you again. Well…FUCK YOU AND THE EGO YOU RODE IN ON!
I have a wonderful life! I have wonderful friends! I have amazing kids! I have my own home, my own business and my own car! I have men that want to take me out and friends who would do anything for me! I have love for myself and so much self-respect; I would NEVER END UP IN THE GUTTER WITH YOU AGAIN!
So PUKE, I don’t hope you have a nice life. I don’t wish you well. I don’t care if you live or die. I will sell everything you have left here and I will party with the proceeds!!!
In closing…FUCK OFF PUKE!
Journey On Strong 